English
Maifuji's Notebook(62)
Maifuji
Rant (Half)
I'm just gonna write the full rant about it tomorrow
I really hate what's happening to my friend group right now. Everyone is not talking that much as we used to and most of the time the conversation is about su--ide and anything related to that. And we have to limit our expressiveness and chaos self since there are kids on the server now like 11 year olds.
and my friend yumeno the one who I mentioned to my previous notes before and them helping me well me and her becoming distant and less interactive with each other and their becoming more rude i guess to me? I don't know
it's really becoming f-cking annoying
there's so much negativity and stress happening right now. i can't think a way to block those negativity all I can think is to take my anger out to someone like physically
which i know is very wrong to do but the person I would do that is myself.
thats all I can think off right now.
i know this is random and confusing on why am i writing this on qooapp. its because this is the only platform that my friends do not know about and its where i can truly express my feelings and self here without worrying others or making others dislike me Read Note
I really hate what's happening to my friend group right now. Everyone is not talking that much as we used to and most of the time the conversation is about su--ide and anything related to that. And we have to limit our expressiveness and chaos self since there are kids on the server now like 11 year olds.
and my friend yumeno the one who I mentioned to my previous notes before and them helping me well me and her becoming distant and less interactive with each other and their becoming more rude i guess to me? I don't know
it's really becoming f-cking annoying
there's so much negativity and stress happening right now. i can't think a way to block those negativity all I can think is to take my anger out to someone like physically
which i know is very wrong to do but the person I would do that is myself.
thats all I can think off right now.
i know this is random and confusing on why am i writing this on qooapp. its because this is the only platform that my friends do not know about and its where i can truly express my feelings and self here without worrying others or making others dislike me Read Note
Maifuji
He's so me
This mentally ill naive needy mf is literally me
he's like so desperate for love and appreciation that he would keep k--ling to be a good boy to his mother
and he would literally let someone control him and be mean to him aslong he's getting some praise from it
🗿 he wants to be dominated Read Note
he's like so desperate for love and appreciation that he would keep k--ling to be a good boy to his mother
and he would literally let someone control him and be mean to him aslong he's getting some praise from it
🗿 he wants to be dominated Read Note
Maifuji
im so tired
I can't sleep properly, ive been only sleeping 2-4 hours for the past 2 weeks because of unfinished task and trying to convince my bestfriend to not k!ll herself because of her grandmother's harsh words towards her. And my online friend got hit by a car and half of their body is in pain especially her arm, my other online friend fainted and accidentally swallowed a long piece of wire. and about the unfinished tasks I asked my dad to help me with some of them but all I received was getting mocked by him.
I had a mental breakdown three times this past 2 weeks because of stress, loneliness, anger, exhaustion and I told my online friends about my bad eating habits like eating less and less as the time goes by and its also the same when it comes to my sleep.
every single day im loosing more and more motivation to live and to care of myself and to do my homework. and there is 15 topic 4 thousand word essay that I have to do and memorise at February and promotional video that I need to do.
there is too much happening, I cant handle of this
I don't know what to do anymore my mind is like a faded painting waiting for someone to restore its colors Read Note
I had a mental breakdown three times this past 2 weeks because of stress, loneliness, anger, exhaustion and I told my online friends about my bad eating habits like eating less and less as the time goes by and its also the same when it comes to my sleep.
every single day im loosing more and more motivation to live and to care of myself and to do my homework. and there is 15 topic 4 thousand word essay that I have to do and memorise at February and promotional video that I need to do.
there is too much happening, I cant handle of this
I don't know what to do anymore my mind is like a faded painting waiting for someone to restore its colors Read Note
Maifuji
Why?
Why did I leave my best friends
Why did I isolate myself
Why did I quit art
Why didn't I have the motivation
Why did I starve myself
Why did I lose my appetite
Why did I lose my trust to my family
Why did I became like this
Why did I become opposite than before
Why did I have su!c!d@l thoughts
Why did I had m##der thoughts
Why did I wanted to k!#l my family
Why did I became angry to my family
Why did I become violent
Why did I become a loner
Why did I hide my true self
Why did I not ask for help
Why did I let myself suffer through all of this
Why did I not change anything for the last 2 years
Why was I scared
Why am I even doing this
Why just why
All I am asking is
Why am i feeling this? Read Note
Why did I leave my best friends
Why did I isolate myself
Why did I quit art
Why didn't I have the motivation
Why did I starve myself
Why did I lose my appetite
Why did I lose my trust to my family
Why did I became like this
Why did I become opposite than before
Why did I have su!c!d@l thoughts
Why did I had m##der thoughts
Why did I wanted to k!#l my family
Why did I became angry to my family
Why did I become violent
Why did I become a loner
Why did I hide my true self
Why did I not ask for help
Why did I let myself suffer through all of this
Why did I not change anything for the last 2 years
Why was I scared
Why am I even doing this
Why just why
All I am asking is
Why am i feeling this? Read Note
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